The Fed-Up Homeschooler’s Wish List

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  1. Please stop asking homeschoolers  if it’s legal.  If it’s legal – and it is – it’s insulting to imply that we’re criminals.  And if we were criminals, would we admit it?
  1. Learn what the words “socialize” and “socialization” mean, and use the one you really intend instead of mixing them up the way you do now.  Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun.  Socialization means having acquired the necessary skills to do so successfully.  If you’re talking to me and my kids, that means we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other humans on the planet, and you can safely assume we’ve got a decent grasp of both concepts.  Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer practice to ask her if, as a homeschooler, she ever gets to socialize.
  1. Don’t assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.  If that homeschooler you “know” is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a “reality” show, that goes double.
  1. Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling.  You’re probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you’ve ever heard.  We all hate you, so go away.
  1. We don’t look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they’re in public school.  Please stop drilling our kids like potential oil fields to see if we’re doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.
  1. Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.
  1. Stop assuming that if we’re religious, we’re homeschooling for religious reasons.
  1. We didn’t go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes with homeschooling just to annoy you.  Really.  This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family.  Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either a personal affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.
  1. Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials.  I didn’t complete a course in catering to successfully prepare dinner for my family; I don’t need a degree in teaching to educate my children.  If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can’t teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there’s a reason I’m so reluctant to send my child to school.
  1. If my kid’s only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he’d learn in school, please understand that you’re calling me an idiot.  Don’t act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.
  1. Stop assuming that because the word “home” is right there in “homeschool,” we never leave the house.  We’re the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it’s crowded and icky.
  1. Stop assuming that because the word “school” is right there in “homeschool,” we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does.  Even if we’re into the “school” side of education – and many of us prefer a more “organic” approach – we can burn through a lot of material more efficiently, because we don’t have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.
  1. Stop asking, “But what about the Prom?”  What about it?  Having my kids skip one over-hyped, over-priced social event does not break my heart.  Go be shallow somewhere else.
  1. Don’t ask my kid if she wouldn’t rather go to school unless you don’t mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn’t rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.
  1. Stop saying, “Oh, I could never homeschool!”  Even if you think it’s some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you’re horrified.  One of these days, I won’t bother disagreeing with you any more.
  1. If you can remember anything from high school chemistry or calculus class, you’re allowed to ask how we’ll teach these subjects to our kids.  If you can’t, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn’t possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.
  1. Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child’s teacher as well as her parent.  I don’t see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing her around the way I do about everything else.
  1. Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he’s homeschooled.  All the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood, and homeschoolers should be granted the same forbearance.
  1. Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she’s homeschooled.
  1. Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy or saint because I homeschool my kids.
  1. Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won’t get because they don’t go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.
  1. Here’s a thought:  If you can’t say something nice about homeschooling… don’t say anything at all!




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